Ever had neck pain? I get it all the time, and I thought nothing of it. At least not until the other day, when I really, really buggered my neck. I’ve been telling people this was because I was in the shower getting into the Herbal Essences and I threw it out in a fit of ectascy. In truth, I hadn’t even got to the shampoo yet.
. . .
I turn my neck and I feel like I’ve been shot. Or rather, I imagine it’s like getting shot. I’ve never been shot, but if getting shot is more painful than this, my sympathies must go out to anyone who’s ever been shot. It is the worst pain I have ever felt, and I’ve had some serious pain over the years. I feel dizzy. I think I need to have a bit of a sit down right here in the shower.
Finally managed to lurch out of the shower. Damage control time. Obviously there is this sharp pain in my neck. Limbs still work, but I am only able to look down and to the left. Anything else is simply too painful. Anything that involves holding my head up is agony.
I’ll try to rest it off, yeah that’s it. That always works.
. . .
I think i’m going to give up on this whole resting thing and have my wife drive me to the doctor.
. . .
“So what’s up?” says the doctor, moving over to the left so I can look at him.
“Nothing much until this morning. Then I think I did some serious damage to my neck.”
“Hmm. Does this hurt?”
“ARRRCKHH!!! Hell yeah!”
“You’ve probably been working up to this with all the bending and hunching that you do in your work. Perhaps a pull or a strain. Maybe wry neck.”
“This is a first for me. I’ve never experienced pain like this before. I just ate 400mg of ibuprofen and it didn’t do jack. So what can be done? I don’t want to spend the rest of my days looking to the left.”
“I suppose we could get it x-rayed, but there isn’t that much we really can do. But don’t worry, you’ll feel better in a couple of days. Trust me. In the meantime, try some of these. they are intended for muscle pain. Kind of like tylenol-3, but without the constipation.”
Mmm. . . free samples. Not like we have a drug plan. Besides, I’m in so much pain, I’ll take anything he gives me.
The Tramacet he offered might as well be a Tylenol-3. It’s acetaminophen plus an opioid drug, in this case, the synthetic narcotic tramadol. So not quite morphine, but more or less the same effect. Oh yeah, it’s somewhat addictive too!
It occurs to me that I have never taken any analgesic stronger than extra-strength Tylenol. Certainly never a narcotic one. Meh. My neck really hurts and I don’t care anymore. Never one for doing things half-way, I swallow two of the pills.
. . .
So what do these pills do to you? Well they certainly dull your pain down to the point that it’s not a problem. They also made me not really care so much about my pain. Not like being stoned, it is more like a deep relaxation. I found myself having great difficulty concentrating on things like writing this blog entry. I wound up spending most of the day lying on the futon in the basement in the dark, drifting in and out of consciousness, listening to the computer go through all my jazz and blues. Not a bad way to kill off an afternoon I suppose. I can see why people get addicted to the things. I think I still prefer booze, though. More ceremony to it.
By the next day my neck was somewhat better, so I opted to not take any more of the super painkillers, leaving me with a stockpile of the amazing little pills.
Now that I know just how painful a muscle injury can be, I understand why athletes drop to the ground like a ragdoll when they pull something.